If the image of Rosie Huntington-Whitely frolicking scantily-clad through a forest on the Christmas M&S advert isn’t enough to make you feel horrible as you shovel Quality Street into your face, then behold! The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show is here to showcase fabulous new lingerie designs/tip you over the edge. The bevy of impossibly tall beauties strutted their stuff in New York for an event that has become one of the most highly anticipated, not to mention outrageously expensive (which equals good as we all know..) events in the industry.
As bitter as I am that I miss the height requirement by about 8 feet, I can’t deny that it’s always a lot of fun. Don’t get me wrong, I love the severity of ordinary fashion shows but it’s nice to see models getting to improvise a little, getting the opportunity to smile and laugh and play around. After all, the outfits are so outrageously OTT and the musical guests are always fresh, current artists it wouldn’t be right to see the solemn pouty faces we are used to at Fashion Week.
It was a very British affair, with (my massive girl crush) Adriana Lima adorned in a racy Pearly Queen outfit which I’m not sure would fit in at a jellied eel buffet in London’s East End. Our very own Jourdan Dunn looked dominant in a sexy show jumper outfit, armed with a riding crop and a facial expression that suggested she wasn’t afraid to use it. True to the inner tomboy we all know and love, Cara Delevingne sashayed down the runway in a sporty onesie, with a bejeweled royal blue bra on show and a personalised VS football in her hand. And it wasn’t just the models giving a nod to our fine culture; statuesque warbler Taylor Swift had apparently rolled in some glue and ran into the Union Jack before having an accident with some paint, but still managed to belt out some irritatingly catchy tunes about a celebrity she went out with for 3 days. Good hat though, Swift.
Other themes included Birds of Paradise and Parisian nights, and the combination of the two gave many of the outfits a wonderfully sensual Moulin Rouge feel. ‘Best Bum in the Business’ Izabel Goulart pulled off this look better than most with a confident, self-assured walk, and an ‘I-know-you-all-want-me’ look in her eyes. The dark hues gave way to pastels, and a whole lot of white for the Shipwrecked and Snow Angels outfits, transforming the Ladies of the Night into pristine innocents (or as innocent as you can be in stockings and a thong). The soft red mist of Paris by night iced over into a frosty Winter Wonderland, clean and crystallised, with Taylor Swift managing to free herself from our nation’s flag to slip into a much more flattering silver embellished shift dress, matching some of the models in beautiful Nicholas Kirkwood shoes (who also custom-made her Union Jack lace-up boots).
Honourable mentions go to: Candice Swanepoel, who opened the show with that $10 million Fantasy Bra, not displaying any of the stage fright she claimed to be experiencing days earlier.
Newcomers Josephine Skriver and Malaika Firth for making their Angel debuts with grace, poise and sex appeal – they definitely earned their wings!
Angel Jessica Hart, who when questioned about whether or not Taylor Swift would make a good Victoria’s Secret Model, she replied ‘No. She didn’t fit. I probably shouldn’t say that.’ No Jess, you probably shouldn’t, but there’s no reason why I can’t. That would be awful!
Victoria’s Secret has been no stranger to a bit of controversy this year, from former VS model Kylie Bisutti claiming the lingerie designer made her feel like a ‘piece of meat’ and a ‘sex worker’, to former angel Miranda Kerr being airbrushed to appear even thinner than her already tiny frame in an Instagram pic from the 2012 show, and let’s not forget Cara’s mysterious bag of white powder. But the show was a triumph, and I’m hardly surprised. Who’s going to boycott Victoria’s Secret?