Recently, I was packing up and moving some things around in my old room. As you can imagine, it was about 20% actual manual labour and 80% idly flicking through old photo albums and letters I had come across. Some of the pictures made me nostalgic, thinking about how much things have changed since they were taken. Some made me laugh, recalling hilarious incidents that had escaped my memory. Some, however, made me want to burn them immediately in order to remove all evidence that I had EVER worn such offensive items of clothing and had the nerve to think it was OK. Why is it fashion can seem like such a good idea at the time, but only in hindsight years later do we see that we were a hideous mess who quite frankly should not have been allowed outside. I’m quite lucky I was still a child in the 90s and therefore cannot be held fully responsible for the questionable fashion choices made, though I’m sure I’ve made up for it in my few short years of adulthood. Looking at pictures of my teenage self and friends, wondering why we had so much time to worry about boys or a test or getting a spot when we clearly should have been more concerned with making sure our white calf-high cowboy boots never, EVER see the light of day again, it made me think about some of my most memorable good-idea-at-the-time-but-then-not-so-much trends.
Ahh, yes. We all wanted to be a Spice Girl, and what better way than to turn up at school with clunky lumps of plastic with little bubbles in on our feet? I have heard that platform trainers are making a comeback (Buffalo’s, anyone?) but I for one will not be partaking.
Men’s Super-Deep Vs
Oh dear, man cleavage, or ‘hevage’ is just not necessary. The worst of the epidemic appears to be over but they are still haunting us to this day, ever since they were spotted on fake tan fan Peter Andre and the boys from JLS. Many are leotard tight, and seem to be the modern equivalent of men in the 80s unbuttoning their shirts to the belly button. THIS MUST STOP.
Skirts Over Jeans/Trousers Of Any Kind
This was such a big trend during my pre-teen years that some shops (including my fave at the time, Tammy Girl…cringe) made attached skirt-and-jeans versions. I think I had a blue denim full length version, and a white denim skirt with cropped trousers, or ‘pedal-pushers’. I know I was young, but it was a trend worn by women of all ages. No need for it.
^^^^ Carrie knew better
Aww, aren’t they cute on little girls with a sweet top knot. Not after the age of 6. Although I am all for updated versions of a lot of 80s trends, this is one that should remain out of favour. A normal hairband does just fine, and some of them were just aggressively large and scary. I’m reminded of that episode of Sex And The City where Carrie tells her boyfriend “no self-respecting New York City woman would be caught dead running around Manhattan in a scrunchie.” I’m not from New York, but I think it’s a rule that applies globally.
This is one that possibly just applied here in the UK, but it was basically a line of t-shirts created on the premise that ‘French Connection United Kingdom’, when abbreviated, looks a bit like the word ‘f**k. So they had slogans such as ‘hot as fcuk’, ‘lucky fcuk’, ‘fcuk this’ etc. Very classy. They were also pretty horrendous plain white or black t-shirts with ugly little lower-case letters, the same as the normal FCUK logo. And yes, I had one, and yes I am bringing out the ‘I was too young to know better’ excuse once again – I thought I was being so rebellious, but although EVERYONE had one, it didn’t take too long for the masses to realise they were a bit naff. Oh and also, no I didn’t wear it in front of my mum.
Special mentions go to Von Dutch hats, flannel shirts (I wanted to be Joey from Dawson’s Creek, OK?), bumbags or fanny packs, Moon Boots.
Yes, they all seemed good at the time and I suppose they do serve the purpose of making us feel great at that particular moment and giving us a good laugh later on, and teaching us valuable lessons. So they can’t be all bad, can they?